Lair Of The Fooker

Old Fire Mumblem: Episode 4: Episode 4: Part 2: Walking and Shopping

These shamans are so scary. Hopefully, Eliwood will get better at resisting them!

WRONG STAT, ELIWOOD!

Okay, we've cleared out the enemies, but neither of these two forts have anything.

I WONDER WHAT GOOD THINGS WILL BE IN THE SHOPS

...

...What?

So yeah. It's been a while since we last got a chance to stock up, and we get...expensive lord weapons. VERY NICE. It's a good thing we get the occasional free weapon, or we'd start running out!

Oh come on. You gotta admit that's cool!

The shop contains...

AGH! I mean...THIS IS THE MOST OVERSPECIALIZED INVENTORY I'VE EVER SEEN!

And yes, I DO grab a Warp, even if Serra still has C staves.

I think I lowered the weapon rank required for Warp, but I'm not sure.

Suddenly, MONK REINFORCEMENT!

GUESS WHO'S ON THE ENEMY SIDE?

"Lucianna" is just a renamed and buffed Lucius. Guess who we need to recruit him?

I take Raven's weapons. Why? ...No reason.

Oh man~ Here comes the funniest scene in the entire hack~

Oh sure pegs...move NOW...

Now we gotta fight them!

But first...

Raven: Lucius! It does my heart good to see that you’re still well!

Lucianna: …

Raven: Lucius? Why do you look so sad?

Lucianna: I don’t want to believe it… We’re on opposite sides.

Raven: So? Big deal. I’ll just recruit you onto our side and-…

Yeah! Wait...

Lucianna: Raven… You can’t do that…

Raven: What? Why not? Stop joking around and turn blue!

Lucianna: It’s not that simple. I… I’m under the control of this belt around my waist.

Raven: Hmm? So this belt controls you against your will, huh?

Lucianna: Yes. I… We must fight, Raven. Don’t bother to remove it, either. It’s set to kill anyone who tries to touch it.

There are so many problems with this

SO MANY

I love this scene. I love everything about it. The way it comes off as totally serious at first, until...

Raven: …

GASP! HEROIC SACRIFICE! Except, well...Raven wasn't a hero. He was a MERCENARY.

Lucianna: B-but Raven! If you do that, you’ll-…

Poor guy.

Oh, he's still alive?

Lucianna: No… Raven. Why did you do it!? You should have killed me!

Raven: Because Lucius… I… want you to live on… even if it’s… without me…

Lucianna: But I can’t live on without you! I love you, Raven!

Raven: We… no longer… hold… a future… together… My last request… before… I perish… make backrubbing to me.

...What?

Lucianna: … Okay.

I just

His sprite is moving up and down

THIS! HAHAHAHAHAA!!

I don't care. I'm giving myself an award for that, and I will not hear otherwise!

I don't think I've ever executed black humor of that caliber. XP

(Note to the mods: IT'S TOTALLY BACKRUBBING GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER)

And then he dies.

BUT LUCIANNA IS ON OUR SIDE!

So strong. Much lifting.

Serra isn't a lame earlygame cleric anymore, folks!

Lucianna very nearly handles the whole top pegasus line on her own!

Oh YES! Seriously, she was SO WORTH sacrificing Raven for...

That's two mages that have double Lyn's defense now...

We handle the knights guarding Bauker!

*GASP*

DEEFFEEENNNNSEEEE

It means so much now!

The speed streak continues unbroken!

o_o Jeez.

Ah, THERE'S the second reinforcement wave! Six cavaliers, led by...

This loser. You'd think a level 13 prepromote would be threatening, but nope!

I think I know why the generics, including the promoted ones don't have impressive stats.

I didn't know how to autolevel back then. In fact, I think I determined enemy stats by giving each chapter a different character slot used for generics, then gave them stat modifiers, usually small ones.

Either that, or I'm thinking about Revised Edition.

Lucianna kills a phantom! Also, she will be taking on Legault.

MAN Canas! You are on a ROLL!

Legault: However, I bet you’d be even stronger if you checked all the forts for special items. Though…even if you managed to do that, it doesn’t matter how strong you are. Gaze into my blade and watch as one swift blow from it rends you to shreds!

Legault isn't a general, but he did give us a hint...still, I think the chapter would have been better named "lame path of random gimmicks and suckiness".

I couldn't fit that in the title.

SO WORTH SACRIFICING RAVEN FOR

So... not only is Lucianna as fast as Lyn, but she's equal or better at everything else except luck and skill.

Uh oh! I wasn't expecting his movement range to be QUITE that far!

Canas, of course, uses some of that newfound speed to not get doubled!

Some chipping later...

Dead!

WOW

COULD A GREATER BOSS DEATH QUOTE EXIST

I mean. That's more or less what goes through every boss's mind when they die. They just pepper it up with things like "But I am invincible" or some other cliche stuff like that.

Florina is getting so STRONG!

I...just wish I had more lances for her...

I never use Florina in this hack. I'm surprised she's so good.

THIS IS NOT A LANCE

WILL HE BE WORTH GIVING THE KILL TO?

Legault, YOU'RE the one with a weapon that has a chance to one-shot anyone and everyone!

Oh sure, gloss over all the IMPORTANT things!

The only one who can ever use this is Lyn.

This weapon more or less justifies her entire existence in this hack.

And we ENGAGE the cavalier army!

Okay! We can take them! ...Probably! But, we still have some more forts to check...

Not that one...

Oh wow! Looks like I was just lucky to have Canas be the one who visited that!

Nino's fire tome broke, but she can still one-round!

I think she's the first one to pass level 10.

The cavalier pities Wil and decides to hang back.

Suddenly, Wil comes to a realization...

Being the lame guy who everybody pities SUCKS!

AND HE SETS OUT TO CHANGE HIMSELF!

His story arc is complete!

Heh heh...that level almost got mitigated...eh heh...

We check the last fort...

GASP

A GOOD WEAPON FOR WIL

I may or may not have buffed Snipers to have the crit bonus. Not sure, but if so... Things might not be as bleak for Wil as I thought.

So...much strength...

The rest of the cavaliers fall easy.

Indeed!

Hector: Now to go have some alone time with Florina.

Eliwood: We… we can’t do that just yet.

Hector: Well why not?

Eliwood: The music. It’s sad… We have to be sad too.

Hector: This makes my pants sad.

It's true. The music playing is sad music.

Lyn: Um… His name is Markyjoe1990. Why do you ask?

Eliwood: Oh no… Oh dear no no… it’s as bad as I thought

Lyn: Eliwood?

Eliwood: Lyndis… go on without me… There’s not much time…

Lyn: What!? No! I’m not leaving without my butt buddy!

Eliwood: Mnn…

Lyn: Eliwood. What’s wrong? Come on. You can tell me.

Eliwood: I can’t…

Aww, they look so sad...

Welp.

He seems to be stuck mid-blink-frame.

And just as soon as our lord and savior had appeared in the mod...

For some reason, I picture Matthew posing for a camera in this scene.

He had left us again!

NEXT TIME: More "entertaining" dialogue!

Episode 5 is where I became very confident in my eventing skills and decided to go super ambition mode. The result is the best chapter in the hack. Though, it is also by far the weirdest.

It is also another chapter where I might be revealing sad backstory things.

Speaking of which... BuringPenitentEngine gave me the okay. Let's talk a bit about that Canas scene from Episode 3. But first, a brief history of MarkyJoe.

Before my FE hack reviews, I wasn't really a commentary guy. I did the occasional LP of games such as Castlevania: Rondo of Blood. But for the most part, I recorded videos of a fighting game engine called MUGEN. If you look at any of my old commentaries, you'll notice that I used to be really optimistic, cheery, and... well, honestly kind of adorable back then.

Eventually, I met BuringPenitentEngine, who was also big on MUGEN at the time. We became friends, occasionally did commentaries together, and at some point, he started recording commentaries on Fire Emblem hacks such as Super Hard Lyn Mode and FE6: The Real War Chronicles. He didn't like many of the ones he played.

When the tools for eventing came around, I made it my goal to make a better hack than Super Hard Lyn Mode. And thus, Fire Mumblem was made. He loved it, and I enjoyed watching his commentaries on it. This became my primary reason for making the hack. I tried my best to write dialogue that would make him laugh.

But by Episode 3, I made some jokes that were... outside his comfort zone.

Let's talk about this scene.

Eliwood: WHAT DID YOU SAY, CANAS?

Canas: Im just as surprised as you are.

This scene, along with Canas's scene with Serra was actually changed from the originals, which were way worse.

Hover mouse to reveal contents

Original Eliwood/Canas Scene

Canas: Eliwood. I'm black.

Eliwood: What did you say, Canas!?

Canas: Hey, don't be hatin' *leaves*

Eliwood: ... F****n n****s.

Original Serra/Canas Scene

Canas: That was quite entertaining, wouldn't you say, Serra?

Serra: Sorry, I don't talk to black people. *leaves*

Canas: ... Always tryin' to keep the black man down.

BuringPenitentEngine did not take these lines very well, and he made a few decisions that he nowadays considers rash.

Now, normally, in situations like these, you would apologize, talk it out, and be done with it. Unfortunately, I'm one of those guys who is unreasonably hard on himself when he makes mistakes. This moment stuck with me for a long time, and I stopped speaking honestly around BPE, too afraid to risk upsetting him again. Bad idea, seeing how when you bottle up your emotions enough, the glass eventually shatters.

Eventually, months/years of passive aggressiveness, dishonesty, and resentment ruined our friendship. A huge blow to my motivation to hack FE, and certainly not the last...

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