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My Life Actually Kinda Sucks. Or Does it?
#1
It's never occurred to me how unshakably optimistic I was until this very night, when I started to think about why I might not be churning out YouTube videos as much as I feel I could.

Youtube videos and Let's Plays are a creative endeavor. You need creativity to do them well. What kinds of people are creative? Generally speaking, people who are relaxed, self-accepting, and free-spirited. I'm definitely creative. I've always been. I have, like, 14 books of old comics I made myself, tons of self-composed music, numerous ROM hacks and levels to my name, and a Youtube channel with over 800 videos.

And yet, I feel like I could be making content more frequently. The reason I don't is probably because, beyond all my obligations, work, and school, I realize: my life actually kinda sucks.

I don't think about it much. I suppose it's because I'm not very unmaterialistic. There's even a certain pride to having a fairly empty room bereft of possessions aside from my own creative works, video games and my computer. But I think the other reason why I haven't realized this is because I'm just a really optimistic guy.

Let me describe my life to you for a second. I work as a service assistant at a 24/7 diner, in a neighborhood that's both very expensive to live in, and - as of late - pretty crime ridden. It seems like every two weeks, the police have to come to this place because a fight broke out, and one of the recent ones was especially bloody, with people getting stabbed and the whole place having to get shut down to be decontaminated, and so we could speak to the detectives.

Then, you have to consider the fact that everyone at this job is stressed out as all hell. Turnover is high, so we frequently get inexperienced workers, causing the veterans to have to pick up more slack than their stress levels can handle. Literally last saturday, a bunch of our servers got fired for failing to show up, and I recall one of them being mad at me because I was going too slow. No one here taught me how to clean dishes super fast, and it wasn't until recently that I learned to do it correctly, but despite this one passive aggressive comment, I felt responsible for all this. Only through a co-worker's reassurance was I able to accept that I'm not a fucking piece of shit lazy asshole.

Anyway, beyond the job, I guess there's also stress at home as well. My family's not doing well financially, but they're starting to get themselves out of their rut at least. My sister has become an SJW and is at odds with the whole family because of her behavior, and meanwhile I'm this 26 year old virgin who still lives with his parents. Yes, I know, many millenials do this nowadays, but I'm still counting that one.

At the same time though... I'm pretty happy with my life. It's nice to not have to worry a shitload about bills for one, and I still have the internet, which is where I get most of my life's enjoyment from. I have a conduit to express myself with, and I have tons of fans who adore me and make awesome content. So perhaps what all this boils down to is perspective and context. Afterall, the world may be crumbling down all around you, but so long as your practical and emotional needs are met, do you really have reason to be sad?
  


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